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Kill me?
4 min read
I know its not Tuesday but this entry got deleted so I am rewriting it. It was only just over a week ago that I tried suicide and failed, did I escape death once again? Do I have a purpose to this malicious world? If so is there anyone out there who can please tell me what it is? I can still feel the knife upon my neck and I have bruises placed upon my wrists and neck…along with a mark on my neck where he held the knife so close…
"The bible tells us Jesus was a monster"-Tairrie B
He must be if he lets me live the intolerable life so dark and lonesome why am I not dead? Why is it that he does not listen to my cries when I beg for death?
Highlight of Tuesday
Is it wicked of me that when I got attacked Tuesday night a part of me wanted for him to kill me? As I felt the cold blade against my neck I wanted nothing more than to feel my own blood pour from my neck. However I think I actually scared him more than he did me…as he held the knife across my neck I told him that if he decided to spill my blood then I would not feel it as this is not my body, this body I am trapped in and I want nothing more than to escape and be free…so go on cut my throat and let me last breath pollute this air that you breathe. I felt him slowly let go as I turned towards him, then I felt the knife press against my heart I told him drive the knife deep into my heart I shall not feel it for I am already dead and it is people like you who have killed me…..drive your blade into my black decaying heart see what happens for it will be truly amazing….as my rotting heart will pour from within me and stain your hands forever more. He looked at me not knowing what to say he looked some what scared not knowing what to do. I looked at him and said to him please kill me you will be doing the world a favour by getting rid of something like me….he looked at me and look scared he didn't know what to do so he ran away…I will never know the reason why he decided to do so and why he thought one moment that he was going to kill me but within the next he didn't.
I slowly began to walk home as I felt the rain upon my face comforting my with every raindrop that fell from the dark cloudy sky. It went over and over in my mind "why am I still alive?" was I just another one of his cattle that he thought he could control was I going to be just another victim? Or was I something more…did the tables turn and he became my victim? Whatever the reason the I am still here and I can not help but wonder why? Was he too scared to cut the putrid skin that shrouds my decaying heart or was he too scared to drive the knife deep within me and free this morbid soul trapped within me? Was he scared that I would come back for him? Well I am still here and still I sit here and wonder is it a good thing or a bad thing? Why has my time not yet some sooner, was it I that scared him off have I missed my chance to leave this cruel place?
"The bible tells us Jesus was a monster"-Tairrie B
He must be if he lets me live the intolerable life so dark and lonesome why am I not dead? Why is it that he does not listen to my cries when I beg for death?
Highlight of Tuesday
Is it wicked of me that when I got attacked Tuesday night a part of me wanted for him to kill me? As I felt the cold blade against my neck I wanted nothing more than to feel my own blood pour from my neck. However I think I actually scared him more than he did me…as he held the knife across my neck I told him that if he decided to spill my blood then I would not feel it as this is not my body, this body I am trapped in and I want nothing more than to escape and be free…so go on cut my throat and let me last breath pollute this air that you breathe. I felt him slowly let go as I turned towards him, then I felt the knife press against my heart I told him drive the knife deep into my heart I shall not feel it for I am already dead and it is people like you who have killed me…..drive your blade into my black decaying heart see what happens for it will be truly amazing….as my rotting heart will pour from within me and stain your hands forever more. He looked at me not knowing what to say he looked some what scared not knowing what to do. I looked at him and said to him please kill me you will be doing the world a favour by getting rid of something like me….he looked at me and look scared he didn't know what to do so he ran away…I will never know the reason why he decided to do so and why he thought one moment that he was going to kill me but within the next he didn't.
I slowly began to walk home as I felt the rain upon my face comforting my with every raindrop that fell from the dark cloudy sky. It went over and over in my mind "why am I still alive?" was I just another one of his cattle that he thought he could control was I going to be just another victim? Or was I something more…did the tables turn and he became my victim? Whatever the reason the I am still here and I can not help but wonder why? Was he too scared to cut the putrid skin that shrouds my decaying heart or was he too scared to drive the knife deep within me and free this morbid soul trapped within me? Was he scared that I would come back for him? Well I am still here and still I sit here and wonder is it a good thing or a bad thing? Why has my time not yet some sooner, was it I that scared him off have I missed my chance to leave this cruel place?
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My friends on here
1 min read
---------->>>This here is Dale he is my best friend
---------->>>This is Laura she is amazing and i love her to pieces
---------->>>this is Lilly she is incredeible she is absolutly amazing and i love everything about her!
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